Germany — On May 10, the world’s biggest latrine was dedicated in Berlin. Soon to be entered into the Guinness Book of World’s Records, this giant, gray, $35 million, monotonous, cement “sculpture” has been named the “Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe Who Still Haven’t Gotten What They Deserve”. And to insure that every German never forgets that the Jews deserve to get far more than they have gotten so far, this “sculpture” is situated in the heart of the beautiful city of Berlin as a reminder — and as an invitation!
“Never Forget”, is the slogan of International Jewry and this new latrine will stand as a constant reminder to every German — as well as to all people worldwide — to remember the Jews and what they have given to the world. Of course, the design was by an American Jew who attempted to create the very most ugliest thing that he could imagine for display in the heart of this beautiful city. And he succeeded! The Holocaust Latrine is the perfect sculpture to represent all that is Jewish and useful for Mankind. And as an added attraction, it is completely covered with an anti-graffiti coating that was manufactured by the same company that made Zyklon-B during the war. Who says that the Jews don’t appreciate a good joke?
The size of two soccer fields, this place-to-go-potty, is composed entirely of grey, cement slabs numbering exactly 2,711 pieces of concrete. Although the Jew who designed it claims that there is no significance to the number, as is usual to most Jews, he is simply telling a lie to hide from us the actual truth.
The Jews think we are all stupid and can’t figure out their mischievous ways. But I have found in my research into all things Jewish that this number is actually the ancient and mystical Talmudic number which represents a kosher toilet seat in a Jewish outhouse. You don’t believe me? Well, I can prove it!
Dusting off my diploma that I bought from the Universal Life Church that proves that I am a rabbi and using rabbinical reasoning, I squared the mystical number 2,711 and got 7,349,521. This is exactly 1,349,521 more than the holy, sacred number of six million. Now, take the square root of this remainder and you get 1161.6888 then subtract 0.0222 and there you have it! Proof positive! Talmudic reasoning par excellence!
As my numbers prove, anyone can figure out what the new “sculpture” in the middle of Berlin is to be used for and you don’t even have to be a mathematical genius like me. Just take one look at that memorial and you instantly know what it’s good for.
In their good-natured attempt to further humiliate the German people, the Jews did not calculate, in all of their deep and profound wisdom, the importance of placing so many convenient side routes and hidden corners in the heart of a city where everybody is looking for a place to relieve himself or herself after a day of drinking good German beer. Thus, they built what is so obvious to any city person as the perfect place to walk around a corner and to leave the Jews a present — walls and more walls, private side alleys and, if you are really drunk and nauseous, convenient places to lean against. The Holocaust Latrine is all a dull and monotonous grey that needs a little cheering-up! So, if you visit there, leave something behind as a fitting memorial. It is truly an incontinent person’s paradise! And a place for both young and old to wander because wherever you look while clutching your groin, you will find what you are looking for.
But even though the Jews built the Memorial Latrine for the benefit of the German People, you have to bring your own toilet paper because, after all, these are Jews. They want you to celebrate and to praise them as they so much deserve, but they don’t want to spend any of their own money for you to do it. So, bring your own TP and save the holy Jews the expense of what will prove to be a very popular pastime in Berlin.
As Peter Eisenman, the brilliant and talented Jewish architect, has said, “the design is intended to make visitors uneasy and unsure of time and place.” Yes, he is certainly a clever Jew — as they all are, just ask them! Yes, clever! However, what is the first thing that you want to do when you feel uneasy and unsure of time and place? Exactly! And so, this brilliant and imaginative world-class Jewish architect has designed the perfect place for people to conveniently empty their bladders and bowels without anyone seeing them do it. Or the average person taking a stroll among these 2,711 slabs can easily expectorate on these ugly cement walls and make them shine with a new beauty deserving of every Jew.
Therefore, for their ceaseless concern for the health of all non-Jews, I am here-by nominating Peter Eisenman as well as all of the Jews of Germany to a Noble Prize in Medicine. This, they deserve for providing a quick and convenient place for the people of Germany — as well as for all of the tourists who go there — the perfect place to avoid the rigours of bladder cancer and haemorrhoids by taking advantage of the new facilities. Bring the whole family! Bring all of your friends! And your own toilet paper! Celebrate the holy and wonderful Jews at the “Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe Who Still Haven’t Gotten What They Deserve”! This family theme park truly deserves to be covered with your praise of them. Even if you are downwind of it, it is the newest place of pilgrimage for the beautiful city of Berlin.
The Holocaust Latrine, another marvel from the marvellous ones!
Author: William Forrest
Edited by k0nsl.
- This is from my archives – dated: 5/20/05.
- Fun activities: http://bokertov.typepad.com/btb/2007/02/berlin_etc_1.html