The 30-year war (1618 – 1648) fought on German soil between Sweden and Spain cost the German people dearly, by wiping out in the neighbourhood of 40 % of the entire population. We Germans made the mistake of not incorporating this holocaust which actually happened — unlike the other one — into our religious belief system.
That’s when the Protestants told the Catholics, “we’ll cut your throats” and when the Catholics told the Protestants “we’ll cut yours” and so they proceeded to ravage the one country which had no desire to cut anybody’s throat, namely Germany.
The Swedes travelled all over the place, burning, pillaging, raping and robbing every German town, city, village or hamlet which was suspected to be catholic.
The Spanish travelled all over the place, burning, pillaging, raping and robbing every German town, city, village or hamlet which was suspected to be protestant.
One of the Swedish specialities to obtain provisions from the pitiful, poor, already robbed German farmers was the following:
- Rape his women, that is to say, wife, daughters and any other female person in the vicinity. I mean, First things first, right?
- Steal any and all livestock and have a giant Bar-B-Q using the barn as firewood.
- Look for more to plunder.
- This was of course doomed to fail, since there was nothing left of the once proud, clean and well-run German farm the Swedes decided to have some more fun. Since all the raping had been done (“well, let’s try that 8-year old girl once more, she isn’t dead yet”) other means of entertainment had to be found.
- Not a problem for the benign, peace-loving Swedes, none whatever, trust me!
- They’d tie the farmer down on the ground. Then they would piss into a bucket. Then they would force open the helpless man’s mouth and keep it open with a stick. Then they would boil their urine. When it was at full boil, they would enter a funnel into the German farmers mouth and then the Swedes, those benign, “We have never done anything, oh no, heaven forbid” would pour the boiling urine into the funnel howling happily as the poor German farmer squirmed and muffled screams of terror, horror and death were gurgling from his violated body, while his raped and beaten womenfolk were going insane with grief, being forced to watch this inhuman, unimaginable spectacle.
This horror was committed so frequently the Germans coined a word for it: Der Schwedentrunk, The Swedish drink.
To visit these horrors upon my people was easy, because the Germans, that nation of “Militarists”, that nation “Which represents a danger to world peace”, that nation of “Expansionists”, didn’t have a military or a military structure.
Neither was it in their nature to murder, plunder and rape other peoples. Neither did we have bloodthirsty Kings bent on destroying other civilizations for their own aggrandizement.
All they had was a plow with which to till the fields, honest love of the earth and its animals, respect for their environment long before any one else in Europe even thought about it and the ability to rise from the ashes like a Phoenix as well as an unequalled work ethic.
The British, the Swedes, the Spanish and the “Peace-loving, benign and always attacked by the evil Germans” French had a monopoly on raping, plundering and murdering other nations on a scale hardly imaginable.
NOT US GERMANS
And so a merry time was had by all, in the name of Jesus, the Holy Ghost, the Virgin Mama Mia, the resurrection and the insurrection, the holy grail, holy water, potable water, not to forget waste water, religious brotherhood, democracy, plutocracy, pornography, St. Peter Paul & Mary the daughter-fucking pope and of course God himself, who the Catholics had decided was catholic, an assertion the Protestants didn’t find amusing.
- No one was able to reach God, his line was disconnected and there was no new listing since he was on vacation in the Bahamas.
- So they decided to have a good time at the expense of the German farmers and townspeople and to settle this thing once and for all. Amen.
The religious hordes went wild. The raping, plundering and pillaging of Germany would not experience its equal until after WW2 when the “Liberators” liberated us Germans of everything imaginable, including our lives.
Author: Gerry Frederics