A Proposal for Roberto Muehlenkamp


Dear donkey Muehlenkamp,

I heard from a source that you’re involved in a new start-up where a new web page is to be launched, which has as it’s stated aim to “once and for all shut the Holocaust deniers up” – employing your esteemed “wall of text” technique which contain little or nothing of relevance to the actual subject, rarely nothing of substance, coupled with the usual tactic of obfuscation, a practice you have at this moment in time perfected during several decades.
I am good with technology and could be of use for your project. I heard you’re going with the Internet Information Services (IIS) web server, on the Windows platform, a preferential which I believe you should think twice (or even thrice) about, seeing as a *nix adopted solution is by far much more flexible and overall a “better solution” in every comparison I can think of. No, that’s not pushing it! It is.
To be more specific; I can convert the monkey web server into one which should be ideal for your operation – we can codename our fork “donkey web server”. This is something I can do for a very low rate, just because it’s you, Mr. Muehlenkramp. We could more than likely use the ‘Golden Monkey’ release as the base of our donkey-fork seeing as it is the most recent version, it contains much improvement over the previous version — for example, eye through the following changelog for version 1.3.0:

  • New default home page
  • New -b program flag to print build information
  • New support for ‘musl’ C library (–musl-mode)
  • Mimetype: extension lookup performance improvements (~50%)
  • HTTP: Add support for OPTIONS method
  • HTTP: Do not force content type on POST request (RFC2616 7.2.1)
  • HTTP: FIX #182 DoS bug on headers parser
  • Core: red-black-tree implementation upgraded to the lastest found on Linux Kernel
  • Core: initialize clock before loading plugins
  • Core: on segfault, abort program (core dumps enabled)
  • Core: set close-on-exec on Epoll, Utils, Logger and Liana
  • Events: extra checks and do not exit if a wakeup fails
  • Configure: improved tests and new autocheck for backtrace support
  • Signal: deprecate the use of sys_siglist
  • Utils: fix timezone time generator
  • Security (Mandril): new deny_hotlink directive
  • Auth: Fix base64 decoding buffer usage
  • Auth: Reject usernames if length does not match
  • PolarSSL: validate that TransportLayer config key exists
  • FastCGI: Fix request error logs
  • QA: new tests for if-modified-since feature

If this should be in your interest, please feel free to write me at i.am@k0nsl.org, with details.

Faithfully yours,

Donkey Web Server 404 Page Donkey Web Server 404 Page

Roberto naturally contracted me regarding my generous offer and gave a surprisingly fair rate which I accepted, without any reservations. I completed the project “to the dot” in absolute accordance to the demands made by Mr. Muehlenkamp. He is said to be very pleased with the results.

The Result


When queried, our donkey web server will show that it is running “Donkey Muehlenkamp”, the initial alpha version – that is to say, 0.1a.

PS: I deployed a live “donkey” web server on https://donkey.k0nsl.org/


I took down the running example of “Donkey Muehlenkamp”. I could not justify paying money for something like this out of my own pocket just for the lulz. I had it running for a few months, anyway. Many people thought it was very funny

Update: Tuesday, 16 September 2014

Heck, I found to my surprise that I indeed had resources not being utilised on ‘kremawurst’ so I put up “Donkey Muehlenkamp” in honour of our fanatic holocaust defender Roberto Muehlenkamp, with little or no changes to the content. You can see a running example of it here:


The only changes done to it was a little tweak in configuration + it’s now reverse proxied from another location (“derp”). So ya, that’s it

Enjoy, as always.



k0nsl is a programmer, server administrator, designer, moderator, spokesman and factotum of a wide-variety of web pages. You can reach k0nsl via e-mail — i.am@k0nsl.org.

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