A Proposal for Roberto Muehlenkamp


Dear donkey Muehlenkamp,

I heard from a source that you’re involved in a new start-up where a new web page is to be launched, which has as it’s stated aim to “once and for all shut the Holocaust deniers up” – employing your esteemed “wall of text” technique which contain little or nothing of relevance to the actual subject, rarely nothing of substance, coupled with the usual tactic of obfuscation, a practice you have at this moment in time perfected during several decades.
I am good with technology and could be of use for your project. I heard you’re going with the Internet Information Services (IIS) web server, on the Windows platform, a preferential which I believe you should think twice (or even thrice) about, seeing as a *nix adopted solution is by far much more flexible and overall a “better solution” in every comparison I can think of. No, that’s not pushing it! It is.
To be more specific; I can convert the monkey web server into one which should be ideal for your operation – we can codename our fork “donkey web server”. This is something I can do for a very low rate, just because it’s you, Mr. Muehlenkramp. We could more than likely use the ‘Golden Monkey’ release as the base of our donkey-fork seeing as it is the most recent version, it contains much improvement over the previous version — for example, eye through the following changelog for version 1.3.0:

  • New default home page
  • New -b program flag to print build information
  • New support for ‘musl’ C library (–musl-mode)
  • Mimetype: extension lookup performance improvements (~50%)
  • HTTP: Add support for OPTIONS method
  • HTTP: Do not force content type on POST request (RFC2616 7.2.1)
  • HTTP: FIX #182 DoS bug on headers parser
  • Core: red-black-tree implementation upgraded to the lastest found on Linux Kernel
  • Core: initialize clock before loading plugins
  • Core: on segfault, abort program (core dumps enabled)
  • Core: set close-on-exec on Epoll, Utils, Logger and Liana
  • Events: extra checks and do not exit if a wakeup fails
  • Configure: improved tests and new autocheck for backtrace support
  • Signal: deprecate the use of sys_siglist
  • Utils: fix timezone time generator
  • Security (Mandril): new deny_hotlink directive
  • Auth: Fix base64 decoding buffer usage
  • Auth: Reject usernames if length does not match
  • PolarSSL: validate that TransportLayer config key exists
  • FastCGI: Fix request error logs
  • QA: new tests for if-modified-since feature

If this should be in your interest, please feel free to write me at i.am@k0nsl.org, with details.

Faithfully yours,


Roberto naturally contracted me regarding my generous offer and gave a surprisingly fair rate which I accepted, without any reservations. I completed the project “to the dot” in absolute accordance to the demands made by Mr. Muehlenkamp. He is said to be very pleased with the results.

[divider]The Result[/divider]


When queried, our donkey web server will show that it is running “Donkey Muehlenkamp”, the initial alpha version – that is to say, 0.1a.

PS: I deployed a live “donkey” web server on https://donkey.k0nsl.org/


I took down the running example of “Donkey Muehlenkamp”. I could not justify paying money for something like this out of my own pocket just for the lulz. I had it running for a few months, anyway. Many people thought it was very funny

[divider]Update: Tuesday, 16 September 2014[/divider]

Heck, I found to my surprise that I indeed had resources not being utilised on ‘kremawurst’ so I put up “Donkey Muehlenkamp” in honour of our fanatic holocaust defender Roberto Muehlenkamp, with little or no changes to the content. You can see a running example of it here:


The only changes done to it was a little tweak in configuration + it’s now reverse proxied from another location (“derp”). So ya, that’s it

Enjoy, as always.

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